Close to 50

          Over a year since I have been here and  in another few short months  I will be 50. I think it won't hit me that much because well, it always hits me the year before the decade turner birthday. I wake up on my birthday,  realize hey another year  and I'll be 30 or 40. Then the where- am-I-at/did-the-time-go depression vulture circles around my head and lands on my chest with a heavy thump. But that didn't happen this past year. Does that mean that I am letting go of my dreams and hopes for the future? Am I squaring my shoulders and examining the life I lead as opposed the one I was supposed to lead, the inner one that exists in my soul, the one where my inner voice is saying  there was a wrong turn somewhere and I have to find  my way  back or possibly forwards?