So it is cold here in St. Louis but then it's cold everywhere today. I have moved in with my parents on the east side of St Louis. I was not happy about this decision but it's not as bad as I was expecting. The fact is my parents have aged dramatically in 2 years. They do not have the physical strength they once had and they are much more easy going than they used to be and this scared me. It means I really have to grow up, to see the passing of time and to know that before long they won't be there to catch me when I fall down. That I will finally have to face life and all its good and bad possibilities. I look at my current situation , still broke, still working at the dead end job and racked by anxiety and depression every 30 seconds to five minutes over where I wll end up. Right now I see my future as a dim gray horizon. No wonderful sunset to gaze at in my waning day, just days of dull gray clouds one after the other till the ceasing of the light. In spite of this dim view of my future, I realize that I need to keep walking down this road no matter where it might lead. It's what we have to do as I believe that this is God's plan for us to keep fighting for life, our individual life and the lives of others. No Matter What.